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April 12, 2013 / Ingrid

“Are you angry?”

This week I met a very lovely lady, inside and out. She had heard of Jesse’s story because her children attend Fenton High School. She was very cautious and sensitive to the newness of our loss but the more we talked I realized she was very curious. Usually, the first question a mom asks is, “How did you know?” Then…”Had he been sick? Did he have a history of medical problems? Does leukemia run in your family?” And when I explain that Jesse was a strong, healthy, muscular sportsman with absolutely no prior medical illnesses and the only signs were a sudden paleness of skin, less stamina and headaches here and there, they are in shock. It’s a real eye opener…life can change that quick.

But the question less often asked, although, most often wondered is “Are you angry?”

Am I angry?…Well, it would not be wrong if I was but I’m not angry. I am grieving terribly but I am so thankful for the miracles in my life and Jesse is one of them.

I was told I couldn’t have children but at 27 years old our first miracle baby was born…Jesse! Then almost 2 years later Savannah was born :-). I consider both of them miracles and am so thankful for the privilege of being a mother.

When Jesse was born, I always had this fear of losing him because I felt my life was too good to be true. Jesse’s birth truly changed my life. God blessed me with the perfect family.

As a child, Jesse was very daring, more than a typical boy. He became familiar with emergency rooms, not due to illness but because of broken bones, lacerations and a concussion. He had No fear and his pain tolerance was remarkable. Again, another miracle that he survived childhood.

As a teenage driver (16-17 yrs old~just over a year total) he was in two fender benders, backed into a garage door, drifted with the pickup truck on more than one occasion, plus brought the vehicle home with several unidentified dents. That he survived driving is truly a miracle!

And then on December 7, 2011, when we received Jesse’s diagnosis, I cried out to God to please not take him yet and my prayer was answered. We had 15 additional months with Jesse. No, it wasn’t easy by any means but it was a miracle he survived the chemotherapy toxicity! He relearned to swallow on his own. He spoke again. He regained motor skills, walking with assistance and did you see those pull-ups? (I may need to repost those videos). He went back to school. He was honored with being selected as Homecoming King. He went to the dance with a princess and actually stood to dance! The doctors could not believe he rebounded like he did.

After enduring & failing six different chemo regimens, Jesse chose to come home to Hospice care. During that time a very good friend made & hung a HUGE sign in town that said, “Praying for Jesse’s Miracle”. So, so, so many people were praying for our boy…praying for that miracle. Yes, we all would have loved the miracle of a cure for Jesse’s leukemia Ph+ but instead we got the miracle of that extra time with him. We got the miracle of Jesse not being taken suddenly in a car accident. We got the miracle that Jesse’s heart softened and his fear of dying went away.

I am so grateful for all of that time, for those precious moments which are now priceless memories…How could I be angry?

Our son is no longer enduring severe pains and sickness. He is no longer agonizing over how and when is he going to die. Jesse is free, he is in heaven!

Here are some of Jesse’s last quotes:

“People tell me God doesn’t give them things they can’t handle, so I have to have faith in that.”

“I have learned patience & being accepting of all people because everyone has their own story.”

“My mind goes in many places. At this point I am ready to go. My parents say heaven is a better place, so I am ready to go.”

“You can always find good in all bad.”

I love you, Jesse Scott ~ Forever & Always! ~Mom

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9 Comments

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  1. Steve Adams / Apr 12 2013 9:46 am

    Thank you Ingrid….I love and miss you guys. Hugs, Hugs, and more hugs……

    Like

  2. Kenzie / Apr 12 2013 9:50 am

    I never knew you were told you wouldn’t be able to have children! I’ve been told that but I still have faith ❤ I want to give one of my babies the name Jesse or middle name Jesse. I've been thinking about it for a long time and I really want too. Jesse was strong, loving, funny, caring and sooo much more. I'd be blessed to have a baby (when it's the right time) like Jesse! Even if it can't be my own blood I want to do that.

    I love all the memories I have with Jesse and the Hourigans.

    Jesse will always be my miracle. <333
    -KJ

    Like

  3. Leilani / Apr 12 2013 10:00 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart. You do it so beautifully. Jesse will never be forgotten. Hugs to you all.

    Like

  4. Donna Bryson / Apr 12 2013 10:00 am

    Ingrid,
    You bless my heart so,
    as I understand all you are sayiny.
    Continue Jesse’s story, as it will lead others to see the ONE they need to look & learn to be thankful & grateful.
    God bless you & your family.
    Donna

    Like

  5. Diane Snellenberger / Apr 12 2013 4:29 pm

    You are such an inspiration to all of us. All of can learn a lesson from what you just said. Too many times I have been angry instead of being grateful. Thank you for this message.

    Like

  6. Heather / Apr 12 2013 11:26 pm

    Love You And Thank You For Continuing To Share Your Life With So Many. I Have Always Admired Your Strength. Your Truly One In Million And Jesse Is Lucky That You Are His Mom. You Always Were Ready For Battle, Ready For Whatever Came Next…I Hear Time Helps Heal The Heart. I Pray For You And The Family To Feel Okay Again…Love You Guys. xo

    Like

  7. Eileen Donahue / Apr 14 2013 12:23 am

    Ingrid, your stories are always so nice..he was your miracle and what a wonderful son…he is watching over you and your family.

    Like

  8. hwschmidt / Apr 14 2013 10:52 am

    Thank you for the heartfelt, beautiful witness confirming that Jesus still performs miracles in our lifetime. I know, that HE loves you, Scott, and Savannah, and that Jesse lives in your heart, and always will.
    O Lord, you have bound our hearts and lives to you and you have heard our prayers for your loving presence in our times of deepest need. We love and worship you because you first loved us, showing us your grace and salvation. Now accept, we pray our gratitude and praise this hour and forevermore. O God, as we awake and battle another day, the pain is already rushing in and we need your help to show us where to begin. Only you can make us stronger. Just let us be the center of your will, your plans, because your wisdom and strength are greater than ours. Thank you, Lord, for loving and promising to be with us on the path ahead to you and Jesse, who is always in our hearts. Dear God, teach us to depend on you, to trust in you, and to treasure and proclaim your faithfulness.
    And as always, Jesse and you all are on our prayer list. We will nor forget you, and we love you. In Christ, hermann

    Like

  9. lynn and jeff / Apr 14 2013 9:57 pm

    Beautiful, Ingrid…thank you

    Like

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